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Thanks, Dad
I did perhaps one of the worst feeling things I've done as a parent so far. It was by accident mind you, but it has had probably the most deleterious effect on me of anything I've done.
Yesterday, due to circumstances that arise (you know...), we had to explain to our nine-year-old middle child that my wife and I were the Easter Bunny. And Santa Claus. And the Tooth Fairy.
Not a big deal, really. We'd done it twice already with the two older kids, and the thing is, they pretty much knew. We weren't telling them so much as confirming what they had already figured out.
I don't think that was the case with #3. Certainly, I got the feeling she had heard from her friends, but she still believed, with her heart, that Santa was real, and was there for her. For whatever reason, she believed in the magic.
And I took that from her. And I can't give it back.
Yesterday, we yanked her soul closer to adulthood, away from a childhood carefree wonder that I didn't realize she had until we accidentally dented it. We forced the burden of a secret on her that she didn't ask for, and now she has to perpetrate the deception on her little sister and brother along with us.
The worst part was, right after we broke the news, I knew. And I also knew it was irreversible; that this intangible thing was broken forever, and I'd never be able to fix it.
Just the previous afternoon, my wife and I were marvelling over how awesome it is to have a child, because you get to see the world again with brand new eyes. To watch them eat their first ice cream, or pet their first bunny. To skip their first stone, feel their first snowfall, put their toes in a stream, draw their first picture, write their name, read their first word. It's a sense of wonder and amazement about the world that we lose as adults and we start moving about our lives taking care of the myriad of responsibilities that just need, well, taken care of. But kids bring you back to the center, to the essence of what life is all about, and let you share it and live it all over again.
I wish I could go back and fix it. Rewind time. I really do. It seems so stupid, so silly, to be so worked up over something so small. You might say, "We all have to grow up sometime. She would have found out eventually." But that's like pushing her off her bike because we all fall down sometimes and she needs to get used to it. No parent wants to visit that on their children.
I know she'll forgive me, as she always does. But still, I'm sorry. I'm very, very sorry.
And Another Thing: Protecting Your Rights
Some people wonder why I get so upset/paranoid about even the slightest encroachment on my rights. Only recently have I come up with a pertinent analogy.
In the township in which I used to live, old farmland is suddenly worth a lot of money as the surrounding areas explode with new population. Many farms are selling to land developers who are putting in half-a-million-plus homes. Meanwhile, Wal-Mart bought a big piece of land and announced the desire to build a superstore there. For a myriad of reasons, many citizens were incensed. They didn't want a Wal-Mart there, within walking distance of their expensive houses. They didn't want to have to look at the ass-end of it as they drove out of their subdivisions. They didn't want the traffic or the traffic problems. And so on, and so on.
Council hearings were held, plans were drawn and re-drawn, meetings were postponed and rescheduled, but eventually it became clear that, no matter what, that Wal-Mart was already a done deal. It was going to be built, regardless of what efforts the citizenry could muster.
The reason they couldn't stand against the Wal-Mart is because by the time they understood the threat to their expectations of their way of life, the structure of the laws had already been laid down. Wal-Mart wasn't doing anything wrong. Oh, sure, they might have put in too few trees or not quite enough greensward, but that was easily negotiated and updated. The groundwork for the Wal-Mart had already been laid down, at previous meetings, with previous councilmembers, during boring sessions about zoning updates and various other bureaucratic miscellany.
So, when I get incensed about the holding of Jose Padilla without trial or even charges, or with the random, unwarranted wiretapping, or the ability for the government to check out my library lending list, that's why. Not because any of those things actually affect me, but because I want to make sure that, by the time something does come around that affects me, the road hasn't already been paved for its inevitability.
Does that make sense?
Democracy vs. Human Rights
One of the key problems in our excursions in the Middle East is that too many people think that Democracy is the key to freedom, and that if we just get these people to vote, they'll all see the wonders of freedom and prosperity that we see. But, it's just not the case.
One of the things I keep repeating to people is that the success of our nation is not it's foundation on Democracy. A democracy in itself is not enough to pave the way for peace throughout the world. In fact, too many established democracies have elected totalitarian leaders who went on to plunge their countries into oppressive dark ages. I think we can point to a variety of instances throughout history and the world today, even in the last few years.
The thing that keeps our country (and others around the world) great and prosperous is not democracy, but the establishment and protection of basic human rights. It's our bill of rights, and the mechanisms the founding fathers set up to protect them, that keeps our country free and strong.
Take as an example Afghanistan. Here is a country that we very recently liberated from an oppressive regime, and who either is a democracy, or is working towards becoming a democracy (I think). Yet we see that they are already willing to violate what we consider one of our most basic freedoms, the freedom to choose your own religion, and sentence a man to death for worshipping the wrong god (or, I suppose in this case, the right god, but in the wrong manner). All the freedom to vote in the world won't change the fact that these people are completely intolerant of other religions, to the point of exterminating those who change their beliefs.
So, it's not about democracy. I think democracy is great. It's a fine way to run a country and works most of the time. But really, when we look down on communism or dictatorships or fanataic theocracies or monarchies, it's not the lack of the ability for the populace to vote that we're really frowning upon. The thing we dislike the most about them is that they repress the basic freedoms that we have established and work so hard to protect.
So, Democracy is a handy idealistic banner to fly. It allows us to roll up our entire set of beliefs about how a government should be run, by the people and for the people, into a simple war cry. But if all we concentrate on is the Democracy part, in a couple of years, we're going to end up with a democratically-elected Mullah-run intolerantly oppressive theocracy in Iraq, one that will be as much of a thorn in our side as Iran is now.
If, however, we get them to establish basic rights and freedoms, and get them to set their government up to protect those rights and freedoms over the long haul, Iraq could become a beacon of freedom and prosperity in the region.
The "Embracing Democracy" comment in the subject made me think that the whole question misses the point. It's not that this culture can't embrace democracy. They have. In fact, you could argue they've embraced far better than we Americans have, voiting in numbers that put us to shame. The real question is, are some cultures incapable of embracing tolerance and the basic rights of individuals to do things differently. And in the Middle East's case, where revenge is a national pasttime and the most popular religion is intolerant to the point of murder, it seems that the answer is "No". At least not without a hell of a lot more work.
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